The Most Difficult Story I Have Ever Told.

justin12

 

Update- Monday April 27, 2015.

I was hoping I would get a few more years before I would have to write this, alas God had other plans.

I had the distinct priviledge of witnessing my brother take his final breath on Thursday, April 23rd, at 11:45 pm.

After our family trip to Gatlinburg, he seemed to be feeling worse. I made the decision to come and stay with my family and visit with him on April 17th. When I arrived  it was obvious he wasn’t well, but I still felt hope.

As the days went by, the difference day to day was astounding, and soul crushing.  He hadn’t eaten in in two weeks because of a neck tumor blocking his esophagus. Drinking was difficult for the same reason. He would take sips, which would result in very painful coughing fits that would sometimes last several minutes.

He was always thirsty, always in pain. He didn’t feel hungry, that urge had left him weeks ago.

Many family members and friends came, and showered him with love. My sisters laid by his side, rubbing his feet and legs. Helping him drink, wiping his face. We spent hours watching “Dirty Jobs,” because that what he wanted. ( I really didn’t mind, since I have a bit of a crush on Mike Rowe.)

Except to bathe and eat, my mom rarely left his side. The entire week, I can count the number of times she left him on one hand. She was his constant companion. She was his giver of pain relief in the form of medicine, the giver of love in the form of leg massages and quiet words. When she wept, she wept quietly so he couldn’t hear. I have never seen so much capacity to love.

On that night, she was completely spent. I was asked to stay with my Aunt, who was also giving her precious time and love to help my mom. The plan was to let my mom sleep in an adjoining room, and my Aunt and I would stay in the room with Justin. My brother was very attached to my mom, there were many times he called out for her, and she wanted to be close in case he needed her.

I arrived to Justin’s house around 10:30. I had spent a few hours with my Dad. We watched “Hot Fuzz” and laughed and laughed. The previous afternoon had been very stressful, so I took a break. I think it prepared me for what was to come.

My Dad dropped me off and went back home. We began getting settled in for bed. My Aunt Joy gave him a dose of his medicine, but he was still restless. I was laying on the bed next to him, thinking to myself…

My Brother isn’t going to be with us when I wake up in the morning…

Aunt Joy got down on her knees at the foot of the bed, and prayed, for what seemed like a very long time. I felt no comfort in this. I wish I did, but I just didn’t.

Aunt Joy laid on the floor next to the bed. We had started out sharing the bed, but she told me she wanted me to sleep next to “your baby brother.”

I laid next to him for a few more minutes. Watching him grimace in pain. I asked him if he needed anything.

He said he was thirsty.

I asked him what he wanted.

He said it didn’t matter.

I was dreading giving him that drink, because everytime he drank, he coughed, and it hurt him. I hated watching him cough and choke. I hated watching him in pain, but there was no hesitation. I got out of bed, and I grabbed a bottle of 7-up that was sitting on the shelf.

I went over to him, and gave him a towel, that he put down on his chest. This was his routine, because he would dribble whatever he was drinking due to his Bells Palsy.

I opened his drink, and handed it to him. He hesitated for a second, so he could get his strength to lift the bottle.

He took a drink of the 7-Up, and handed the bottle back to me.

He didn’t choke. He didn’t cough.

He laid back, relaxed and I watched his eyes open wide. He was looking at something. Intently.

Then I realized.

He was gone.

It was almost instant. It was almost as if he was waiting for that last drink.

My brother, who had been talking to me, moving around, and put his own towel down on this chest only seconds before, was gone.

The next few minutes were a blur. I grabbed my Aunt, I grabbed my Mom, I grabbed my sister in-law who was asleep on the couch.

I made a phone call to my sobbing sister. I called my husband and I couldn’t even speak.

At one point I collapsed onto the floor, because my legs wouldn’t hold me.

Family came. Friends came. Everyone he loved was with him until the funeral home came and took him.

I am crushed. My heart feels a void that can never be filled. I feel immense guilt for being the one who was with him when he passed. I feel such priviledge for being the one who was with him when he passed. I feel like I robbed my parents of a moment that should have been theirs.

The thing I feel the most?

I wasn’t ready.hands

 

 

 

 

Lush Liquid Lipstick- Review

*This was purchased by me, for my own use. My opinion is my own.*

 

I bought this kick-ass Lush liquid lipstick when I was in California in April. It is SO beautiful! I can’t believe I am just getting around to reviewing it!

 

11798128_443855462460653_737232004_n

Ready to show your enthusiasm for life? Apply Passionate, our hot purple-pink liquid lipstick. Passionate is a bright, vivid and bold two-toned fuchsia for those who want to tell the world of their passions and stand up for their beliefs. The softening base of jojoba oil and rose wax keep lips hydrated and ensures your color lasts all day. Passionate; feel strongly.”

This liquid lip color is incredibly pigmented. The color is just unbelievably gorgeous!03703_b(Photo courtesy of Lush.com)

The color goes on smoothly with a wand. It doesn’t have any scent or flavor, but with color this good, I think I will be ok this time! The fuschia pink has a blue tone to it, which works perfectly with my skin tone and hair color. 11798205_443856375793895_1819777766_nThe formula feels nice and soft on your lips, and really lasts for a long time. In fact, I noticed when I showered later in the day, it had left a nice pink stain on my lips. I loved it!

 The lipstick is available in stores, online for $18.95. It can be purchased here.

What do you think about this lip color? Have you ever used products from Lush? Let me know in the comments.

Beauty Blog Coalition Weekly Roundup!

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Monthly Sub Monday- Your Bijoux Box for July

*This was sent to me for review. My opinion is my own*

I LOVE this monthly box. I love getting the surprises in the mail. I LOVE jewelry..what more can you ask for? Let’s check it out!

This months theme was “Happy Fourth of July.” I received a necklace, bracelet and earrings.

Art Deco Collar

“Art Deco jewelry is marked by its geometry and symmetry, and this gorgeous collar necklace reminds us of the beautiful lines of the Chrysler Building in New York. Solid colors and simple lines will highlight this timeless stunner.”11722030_436591113187088_1968772053_n 11713431_436591093187090_118571916_nIsn’t this piece simply gorgeous? I love anything with a vintage/art deco feel, and you can’t get any better than this! Click on the photo to view it closer up, the details are just wonderful!

Tiny Fishie Earrings

“Sweet little preppy-chic earrings are a whimsical nod to summer. Wear our fave outfit of the season, a starched poplin midi skirt, comfortable tee and a pair of barely there gold slides.”

11693161_436591043187095_1634463739_nThese earrings are very cute. They definitely fit in with the Fourth of July theme with the blue and white stripes. They have cute little details, with the crystal eyes. Honestly, these are not my style, but they do fit in well with the theme. 

Meridian Silver Bracelet

“This sparkler was designed to compliment the Meridian silver pendant in the May box. We love the beachy vibe! It pairs well with blues and greens and will give a pop of color to any all white ensemble.”11694157_436591076520425_330966247_n
This piece is GORGEOUS, but it doesn’t really fit in with the theme of the box. Aside from that, the vintage feel I get from this, makes me so happy. The glass cabochons, the crystals, its just perfect.

Here is the pendant that it matches.11692893_436591066520426_1428803804_nIsn’t this set wonderful? I am secretly hoping we get some earring to match :-)

 

Your Bijoux Box is $35 a month, and in my opinion worth every penny. You can join here, if you are interested!

Beauty Blog Coalition Roundup!

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